Every lady has either specifically or unconsciously made a list of "what I want" and "what I need" in a gentleman. So, when meeting someone, she will go for that list and mark off what fits the criteria. These types of lists are natural to the sinful nature within us--it is when we try to and think to achieve happiness by meeting those "important to us" lists.
Please notice that God makes Adam first, not Adam and Eve together. God made Eve only after God saw that Adam cannot find any other creation to be his companion. Point: God is interested in the individual relationship with Him, regardless of marriage status. That being said, if a lady has a strong relationship with God, she will fall in Love with the Jesus INSIDE of the young man, and will not mentally reach for the list that, of course, everyone does have.
There are times when the young man is Godly, a born-again strong Christian and is vividly strong in his faith. However, according to you, he may not have the ideal personality or physical traits or financial status, or family background or educational level...and because of these things, you feel that you don't see yourself with him. Others might point that out too by saying "you need someone taller/bigger/smarter/more confident/older/wiser/more financially stable..."
When you are sure that he is a Godly man, without a doubt...and have doubts about being able to love him...or feel like, "well, Why don't I love him? It must not be From God then.." the real issue is in you! yes, because you have chosen not to Fall in Love with the Jesus in him, but instead you reach for that list of yours!
Love is a choice, a commitment. it is not simply a feeling or affection. if it were only that, it would be inconsistent and completely unpredictable...that is why when pastors marry couples they say their "VOWS" or promises to continue to love. it is a choice to love someone DESPITE a, b, c, d, in him (or lack thereof) that is/isn't on your list.
Think of those big red round bins that float in rivers to separate boats...each bin (i don't know their proper name...if you do please tell me in your comment) represents an aspect of him...(his personality, spirituality, physical appearance, age, finances,...) YOU have weights to attach to the bottom of each red bin. If you use your list, you will put 100 pounds on physical appearance for instance, and 50 pounds to the spirituality aspect. If you are a Woman of God, who seeks Him and is now in Love with JESUS...then you would put the most weight on the man's love for God...and everything else will fall into 'secondary' or not important at all!! SO please, ladies, analyze yourselves and those lists and remember, Love is a choice. There is a threat to miss a blessed marriage simply because the priorities are misplaced due to our sinful nature to make our own happiness, knowing all along that true Happiness lies in Him, and He wants us to acknowledge that.
Another point is that there is no ONE PERSON for each lady. God will and can Bless ANY TWO PEOPLE who truly seek Him, Love Him and have a strong relationship with HIM!!! God's interested in forming you and continuously work on you so that you may be the perfect vessel you were meant to be. Most of the time, you will be challenged through marriage not because your marriage is bad or you are a bad wife, but because God Loves you So much, He sent you a gentleman who will, through marriage (and tought times), help you grow in patience, wisdom, humbleness, submissiveness, generosity, prayer...or whatever it may be That God meant to fix up in you!
This conversation was led by God when my friends (a newly engaged couple)shared their thoughts and experiences on the topic...so, of course, my life wouldn't be complete unless I shared!
Ladies, God will bless you when You search for Him in the potential husband. Everything else will come from above and into place. you know why? Because you Trusted Love Himself, because you love Love, and Love wants your heart completely.
continue to be completely in love with Jesus.
=)Be Blessed sisters!
10 comments:
I'm reaching for a tissues...now. "sniff"
Thanx for sharing Vicky...Although I don't think everyone necessarily has a list of "qualities" that they want to see in a man...but I do think that every lady needs to have a "standard" than they NEED to have already set between her and God...By standard I don't mean the physical or material "qualities" of the person...but rather Biblical standards which the Lord doesn not want us to cross....such being like Vicky already mentioned, if the person truly loves Jesus and is a true believer, etc...
Nat, I'm pretty conviced that whether the person wants to admit or not, there are some things in a guy she knows she WANTs/ NEEDs/ or would RATHER HAVE *and that is a "list"... even if she says "no, i don't really have specifics" when she DOES meet a gentleman, she will start analyzing and...there will be that moment of struggle between wants/needs and him.
Thanx for claryfing again hun...but I still dont agree with you 100%...not EVERY woman is as picky as you describe it when you catagorize "every woman as being like so..." it kinda overgeneralizes a bit in my opinion...but it's kewl...we can agree to dissagree...nothing wrong with that...(sorry if i'm annoying you here)
Alright Vicky...I give up. I guess wanting my future husband (whoever he is, and wherever he is) to have a mind that can think "outside the box" and isn't so narrow minded would be something that matches your "list of qualities" as you call it...so w/e... I give in.
...(but still....say'n that EVERYONE does that?!?...harsh?...no?)
hahahah no no, I see what you mean...I'm not trying to generalize. But I do see why you would think so. However, saying that every woman has a list of wants/needs is as safe as saying every woman has a nose. But then, not EVERY woman has a nose...and the few that don't might not have a list either =P...but really, this is my opinion on the subject and, of course, it is open to discussion/oposition..anything =)
L.O.L.!!!! hahaha...well ofcourse everyone has a nose!!! but then again....hhmmm...thanx for putting it that way...ur so cute!
Every girl does have a subconscious list in my belief. I would say that a lot of the times it depends very much on your father figure and on other men that will make you automatically think "I would want him to be like this..." A young lady's standards will be a reflection of her relationship with God and of a good or bad relationship with other men in her life (father, brothers, uncles)that will affect her choices in life.
"A young lady's standards will be a reflection of her relationship with God and of a good or bad relationship with other men in her life (father, brothers, uncles)that will affect her choices in life." Amen to that Nadchos!!!...especially the "her relationship with God" part....I believe that to be true...that's what I ment when I said "Biblical standards" rather than a "list of qualities"...b/c I think Biblical standards and our own humanly wants are not the same thing.
ugh i wrote this big huge comment then forgot my password..set up another account and by the time i signed back on everything deleted!!
anyways i wanted to say great article though i would have to disagree. i think every girl should have a list of her basic top standards(eg radicalness, intelligent, hardworking, honest) because infatuation can blindside you. a girl might fall for a guy who is cute and go head over heels for him for all the wrong reasons, marry him and then her eyes will open to just how far he is from what she has always wanted valued in a man(just for the record-i do NOT believe this justifies a divorce..once you marry you're married and God will make him the mr right). so to keep from this mistake i think girls should have that list and keep accountable to a good friend who will come to her humbly and show her her blindness and foolishness. now if your list begins with physical or finances then you have a problem..and that problem is between you and God. i think a girl, or guy, doesnt have the right to love, or even like, until they are compltely and totally in love with Jesus..until then its dangerous
btw first time i even heard of that "top ten" list was froma woman's conference in wa and also many times in other sermons and in my christian home school..
i wrote this in hopes of a discussion and hope i didnt offend anyone..that truly was not my intention. i apoligize if i did!
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