From a daughter's perspective...

In a recent conversation with a close group of friends, we somehow got on the subject of our parent’s parenting styles. What I’ve noticed throughout my own life and my parent’s approach to teaching the children in our family vs. lets say…parenting approaches in families of friends or relatives…is that there are many differences. This being such a broad topic, I’m just going to narrow this post to mainly one aspect of the difference in parenting styles or approaches among different families and the benefit of this.
Here’s a brief example of what I am trying to say:
For some reason, when there is some sort of a battle going on in my personal spiritual life, the circumstances around me almost always end up being the same or quite similar: there is an argument with parents/ misunderstandings among family members/ tension in the house/ etc…resulting in this atmosphere where I can’t turn to my parents for support or help in my spiritual battle because there is a battle of it’s own going on between me and a parent or parents. Going even further, since there is that tension present, I feel isolated and detached from the family, which in essence causes me to spend a lot of time by myself in my room or out of the house, just thinking about the situation, and praying…a lot. I would say these are the moments when my growth towards God skyrockets. (and please understand me correctly, I am not saying that there is a huge war going on at home with everyone’s wrath released at the same time, no no…what I mean is that like most families from time to time have misunderstandings, same with ours). Through these moments I find myself needing God more than ever because I feel alone. (tangent: that is why I love those moments (even though I hate them at the time) b/c even though I need God everyday in my life, tough times just reveal to me how much I really need Him and show me that when things are going good, God is in the background, not in the center where He needs to be). …okay, where was I, as I was saying, with the different parenting approaches, my parents I would say leave me alone to think things through and give me time. (eventually, time heals, and things go back to normal, etc.) My point is exactly this: my parents with their approach to parenting me, leave me alone…and as I mentioned in the beginning, at these times I am usually going through a spiritual battle or a difficult time in my personal life. Through being alone in prayer with God, and through HIS Word, God reveals so much to me and teaches me many lessons that help me fight the spiritual battle and strengthen my faith in Christ.
Now, sharing briefly some of the parenting approaches of my friends’ parents, some parents somehow know to ask questions, and not just questions, but somehow they know just the right time and just the right questions to ask, which in result end up helping that person out at the time they needed it most. (and we Christians know that those “somehow’s” are not just coincidences, but that those questions were God driven at the appropriate time to possibly save a soul from sinning). Other parents somehow know exactly when to come and have a soul chat with their child in the appropriate time, or know just when to lecture their children when it’s actually needed, etc… mine- they leave me alone.
Well, what my point was supposed to be, (sorry it stretched so long) relates to this quote by Desmond Tutu: “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them”.
I think that at times, especially times when we as children are mad at our parents or their approaches to parenting us, we begin to compare different parent’s approaches to our parent’s approach, and we complain. Well, the fact that we don’t choose our parents is one that lead me to this conclusion: God knew exactly what kind of an approach I would need in order for it to be effective, that is why my parents are who they are, and use the approach that they do in teaching me/ correcting me/ etc. ( I know this is WAY over generalizing about why my parents are my parents, and honestly, don’t even go there…another 10 page tangent, but in order to show my train of thought here, that’s the way I choose to word it. )
And as irritated as I can be at times at the approach my parents use, I know deep inside that it works…even though I may not like it, it does have an effect. (once again, clarification here- I’m not saying my parents are always right with their approach, “but we are all humans, and humans make mistakes” as my dad would say). And if my parents were to come and chat with me in a time when I’m going through battles and trials, I’m not saying that it wouldn’t help or have a positive effect, I’m just saying that leaving me alone through those times actually works even better because it gives me so much more time to straighten things out with my Heavenly Father, and strengthen that bond. My parents are a gift from God. They are here to care for me and guide me in becoming a Christian and a daughter that God wants to see. At times, their approach may seem wrong in my eyes (and I could write a whole book on what NOT to do when I’m a mom (I’m sorry, I just had to say that))…but overall, God knew what gift I would need in order to help me, not harm me. I am God’s gift to my parents. By far a not perfect gift! One that needs to be shaped and formed to be a better person. God’s gift to me is exactly what I need, and my parents with their approach- need someone like me who would deep inside understand their approach to parenting.


One last quick thought…as I was searching through the Bible for a verse that can go along with this post…I came upon one that I’ve read probably a hundred times before, (okay maybe not that many, ) and yet… “somehow” God revealed this same verse to me in a completely different way…a whole new way of looking at it… “ Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother…” –Ephesians 6:1-2
…because no other parent I would obey like my own. May God Bless.