" But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you."
Luke 12:31 (King James Version)
We have all heard and read this verse in the Bible at least once. If you havent, congradulations! you just did. Often times when people are addressed about a specific issues/thought/ idea...whatever it may be...in a large group or in a general public, they are not as deep and meaningful as when they are pointed out specifically to you...meaning one on one...directly refered to you...pointed out more clearly...ye I can go on, but I think you get the point...
Those of you who know me more personally and know what has been on my heart for the loooooooooooooooongest time...yeah...I mean long...the worries that just seem to come and go, the conffusion, the uncertainty, just this BIG issue that has been dragging me down...which didn't seem to go away...well (1st of all thank you sooo much to those who prayed)...I know I talked a lot about it, and maybe even to the point of making some of you sick! (not to mention any names..hmmmm...) well that was honestly because it was bothering me soo much that it was all I could think off.
One day I was out with a few close friends, and I was once again...addressing my issue to them for the bizillionth time, and I was basically explaining to them how I saw myself in these situations. I pictured it this way: There was me...and there was this straight pathway up towards God...but around me there were all these little things that surrounded me...these little things added up to being this one big weight on my shoulder that didn't let me focus on the straight pathway up...my relationship with God...I thought (for some reason) that in order for the pathway between me and God to be clear and working properly (if I can say it that way) all these little things around me needed to be cleared up...all these little issue needed to be solved, all them needed to be addressed, analyzed, thought throught, analyzed some more...BIG desicions needed to be made, MAJOR changes, ...and only then...finally...when all the little things were solved, then I can start focusing on my direct pathway with God...
Well, God looking down upon my situation and probably chukling at my childish way of thinking, knew exactly what words to put in my frined's hearts to change my outlook...one of them pointed out that maybe I was going about things in the different order...she said that maybe instead of focusing on all the little things around me, I need to just focus on the straigth up relationship with God...(the BIG thing) and all the little things will fall into place.
Well...that thought rang through my mind really sharp (even though i didn't say so at the time...(thanx hun)) ...and just in continuing my everyday life trying to clear up the little things...God worked in my heart. ..Immediately the verse that pops into my head throughout this while situation is the verse quoted at the top of this page...
God really has HIS wonderful ways of having all things work together for a greater good, and that is exactly what is happening with me now.
I now understand on a more deeper level that going out of order, will not solve anything but make things more conffusing...i was worried too much about the things that would mean nothing if God was out of the picture...
Instead of seeking HIS Kingdom, and trying to work out that relationship first, I was seeking the other things that are secondhand...my order was off and that threw off everything. you see, in my little diagram that i was sharring with my friends, I was in the ceter, God was straight above, and all the 'little things' were all around me...see the resemblence...me, I, me, I, me, I...I..I..me...(i should lowecase the i's cuz i'm feeling shamed)...but what I did, was place everything out of order...I put myself in the center and worked my way out...when what I really needed to do was allow GOD to be the center of all like it is in reallity, and work my way IN. i am in the outside, i am the little problem that needs working to be solved, i cause my own worries and stress...because I didn't see things in the right perspective. ..
I know this is long and probably hurting your eyes to read like it's hurting mine to type this at this time (please don't judge me for it...I just have to get this out before I explode with these feelings)...but I'm comming to a close here...bare with me...(right now I can totaly understand the preechers that go over their time limmit...hehe)
...just read this verse again...
"But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you."
It didn't happen over night, and it took many different people and preechers /speakers/conferences/ church services/ friends/ prayers/... for me to realize where I went wrong...a big part of that was this past youth service..(All Glory to God for it)..but basically it was all pointing me in the direction of seeking God, seeking HIS kingdom, HIS Glory, HIS prescence, HIS purpose, HIS plans for me...and after reallizing all of this...it was like that verse was written SPECIFICALLY to me...not just to the public, the general crowd, but individually to me...speaking to my heart..."Natasha...seek the Kingdom of God first"....
...and even thought the second half of that verse is still not clear, and all the little things are far yet not solved, and there are still plenty of questions and concerns and worries, ...I feel so relieved and energized...I got this passion back again to honestly and deeply from the bottom of my heart...to seek HIS Kingdom...to seek GOD...and just allow HIM to take care of the second part. and you know...whatever it may be...those other things that will be added, i'm sure GOD has that set straight, planned out, mapped out, and diagramed for me already...(such a relief...because if it were me doing the diagrams...like i mentioned...i'd be the one in the center...
...To those of you who know exactly what battle i'm talking about, i'm pretty confident it is now solved. But God has HIS ways, and HIS plans go above my own. At anny moment things may change, but if they do...i will know it is for the greater good...and not for my own purposes.
I truly believe, that God allows us to stumble at times, so that we can learn from our mistakes...because once we go through them ourselves...things become so much more personal and specific towards us. This verse has so much more value to me personally now, even though it should have always...
Just want to say that God really has HIS wonderous ways.... and wish for all of you reading this..." seek the kingdom of God..."
3 comments:
Well I am very happy for you Nat!! I'm hoping that you continue seeking what's above because honestly just like puzzle pieces everything here on earth starts to fall into place and make more sense when you seek God. I'm glad you're no longer that confused person that I so often talked to at Mimi's cafe!! I also thank Vickie for being my partner in crime!! We definitely by the grace of God worked as a team!! Now... you need to start working on that teen project we talked about or I will bug you to your grave if you don't!! lol
talk about GOOSEBUMPS!!! I looooove that you shared what God did and it really got me emotional! *tear =)
especially the visual you brought up: the stairway/pathway between man and God and the little things we tend to look at....Got me thinking about how those little things also keep me from the Light ahead, and these things slow my steps or journey to God because I am too absorbed/occupied by what means so little. love you.
Praise the LORD! Thank you ladies!!! partner in crime or not...you two were a big part of all this drama!!!....
and Vicki...don't worrie...this is probably a time given to you so you can write poems about how you feel...(hint hint) oh..and music too...(double hint...) oh...AND post your poems on this blog...(triple hint hint..wink)
...I'm sure you will be out of the pitts in no time and back on the hill making that influence you always do! we just need to start up those prayer meetings again...b/c i miss them soo much!
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